Best Practice for Dumbing Down

2015/05/08 On fucktarded programming hysteria

Learning English is like learning a programming language.
It is easier when sentences end with a new line.
There are no books that teach you how, or when, to grasp sentences that begin in the middle of a line.
It is a natural progression.

When starting algebra, you are told that Dick has twice as many apples as Jane and that Jane has 3 apples - rather than "x = 2y; y = 3".
In order to more easily examine the effects of variance in more complex equations, shorthand form is eventually desired, adopted and preferred.
It is a natural progression.

There is a worrying trend today whereby people are reading books on how to program, and come out of it thinking the lowest common denominator is "Best Practice"TM and that anyone who uses shortcuts or a dense layout style is guilty of "unclean code". God forbid anyone who employs creative or artistic styling. Have I lost the people who cannot read multi-line statements yet? Good, phew!

This retarded dogma has gone as far as spawning Java and Python. They are obviously very popular - what hard-up career-shifter wouldn't want to learn a language which, by design, insists you code like a child, forever.

The cat needs to come out of the bag:
Real programmers do not write books on how to program, they program. Your favourite software relies on unreadable code. Test-driven design prevents holistic thinking. Using third-party libraries will not stop your code from sucking.

We know who you are. You are the ones who preach from "bibles". Who will not approve pull requests until we have taught you what you should already well know. Who wriggle out of ever writing tangible programs.

Unless you have an unlimited salary budget, not everyone has to understand every line in the codebase. Don't var your IT department only be as good as it's shittest lamer because of the Best Practice bullies. Find them, shame them and demote them!